Sunday, September 25, 2005

Alchohol - the cause and solution of all life's problems

Mmm beer... i love beer... beer is awesome...dough.. i use... to buy my beer... Ray.. the guy who sells me beer... and so on...

Soooo.. i don't think anyone from work reads this, so i might as well use names for posterity. The girl from work with the most gorgeous eyes' name is Sabrina, and tonight i think i made progress on being less boring and start working on getting closer to her to the point where i can just come out and get rejected.

Part of the being less boring also involved talking to her hot friend Amanda, whom i had met once before, but never talked to. I don't know what it is, but i have some sort of horrible block with talking to people...like some people can just talk and ramble and have a rhythm to the way they talk almost, and just keep going, and have a bunch of crap to say, but it lets them work into other stuff. I dunno, maybe thats unrelated to my main point, but i just seem to have problems talking to people. It could be a lack of common interest... i can talk to most of the people in the music faculty one way or another, i mean i spent a good 10 minutes talking to Tamara the other day, who coincidentally has quite intense eyes as well... I don't know where this thing about eyes came from... it wasn't always that big of a deal...

But I mean, in the bar, talking briefly to Amanda, and i just could feel my mind going into panic mode of "ok what do i say now? I don't know, think of something... you're my brain, you have to do some work here, fuck that, can't i just zone out and think about how she's hot for a second?, no motherfucker, this is in real time, she's waiting for you to say something..say something! Not just something random, say something halfway interesting for someone who hasn't taken you acting like a moron for granted yet.. you still have a chance, but you still have to say something..." and right about there she said something else before the conversation got really awkward, so i was spared for another few seconds of frantic internal argument.

I don't get what the problem is.... people like Cam and Jim from work always seem to have something to say.. they remind me slightly of Ryan, my previous best friend. He was a nerd, and we had a lot in common that way, so i mean we never ran out of things to say, but when he was talking to a complete stranger, he would have something to say as well.. sort of like Brennan. He just doesn't care and talks to strangers like its nothing, but i just somehow don't understand how to talk to strangers. I seem to be at a paralytic loss when there is a lack of immediate common ground... Argh.. i don't get it... and i sorta want to fix it, but i'm not sure how... i could practice on random strangers downtown, or around campus... i'm sure i wouldn't run short on people that way...
Maybe i could make it a project this year or something.... We'll see what happens.

Friday, September 23, 2005


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Schmoogey oogey...

Nothing of major substance tonight... got my sax back, hehe lesson learned >.<

Um.. still loving this down comforter thing hehehe... makes me sleepy just thinking about it...

Peanut butter = good.
Live electrical cable = dangerous.
Life the Universe and Everything = 42.
Me + girl at work with gorgeous eyes = yes...maybe...who knows...someday...do i really want that? i dunno...
A + C = minor third.
I have confidence/speaking to strangers/girls issues = yes.
I am going now = to bed.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Ok, so now i actually am going to cry...

I was having a frustrating, and sorta shitty day at school... school was normal, it was good, practicing was fine, i was just still pissed off about the wind ensemble thing and just sorta going from thing to thing...

I went to take in my student loan thing, and now i need some other piece of paper and some picture id, and this and that, and won't i please grab my ankles while the government has its way with me... Anyway, so i'm practicing, and its time for the sax ensemble, so i start packing up.

I put my tenor in the case, and zip it up, and then realize that i have to put more crap in the case, so i put the stuff in the case, put the alto away, put my music away, pick up my tenor case.... and realize that i hadn't closed it again, just as the sax falls out onto the floor...hard...

So i pick it up, and it doesn't immediately look too bad, but then i see that one side of the bell is flattenned, and a couple keys on the bottom aren't closing the way they should, so its just not playable. This is where i consider smashing it the rest of the way and using a jagged chunk to cut this horrible year-of-9-days short, but whatever.

So now its in the hospital, not a week from when i took it in last to be looked at... >.<

Oh well.. c'est la vie, right? Money is fleeting... memories like seeing your beloved saxaphone smashing to the floor in slow motion last forever....

There. Is that emo enough for you? I'm still working on looking at the sun too much so that i'll have to get glasses so i can get the nice little emo frames.... do de do....

Friday, September 16, 2005

Just another day in paradise...

Bitter disappointment and googlie eyes on the c-train ;) Na na na na life goes on.

So do you want the bad news or the good news first? Who ever wants the good news first...?

So I get to school on the first day, bursting with hopes and expectations for a great year, and find out after my first class and after I get my locker and run around getting a bunch of other stuff done that i need to have done on the first day, and then all of a sudden i find out that at noon, i have an audition that i need to play in order to determine whether i'm going to be in Wind Ensemble, the smaller, more elite and respected group, or the symphonic band, which is like the "learning place" where you spend more time teaching the people who aren't actually music students how to tune and play things, and where we have irritating grad students learning how to conduct, and in certain people's case, doing a pretty poor job of it... Not that she's a bad person or lacking in enthusiasm, but something in her demeanor, and the way she seems to be less than genuine, as if thinking she has to entertain us .. or something.. i just don't get what exactly it is that i hate about her, but I just really don't like Wendy...

Wow, amazing how fast that rant was sidetracked... anyway, so I had less than 2 hours to suddenly prepare rep and polish something to show off for an audition after i hadn't practiced in months, at least not seriously at all... Now right there, thats my fault. I knew i should have been practicing, but i didn't, and it came back to hurt me, but oh well. So anyway, the audition went fine, everyone played fairly well, and i had thought that with my reputation and what i was doing last year and all i had been told about brennan and myself being recommended that brennan and i had all but taken the spots in wind ensemble, but then i get in on thurs morning and find that someone who had been practicing over the summer and had something prepared that he had been working on for the last few months had obviously been better prepared and made a better impression, and had won the spot over me. Now thats kinda stings, but its not like i can be all that surprised or complain all that much... it really blows, but i mean, who did this to me? Noone. Every time that i didn't practice over the summer... each and every day that i said to myself, "bah, i don't need to practice, its the summer..." bit me in the ass.

To be fair, everyone, myself included, expected to have a couple of days at Least, before auditions so that we would have a chance to look at a little rep and get back into the practicing mode for the year, but whatever. C'est la vie, i screwed myself, theres really nothing to bitch about, apart from the fact that i'm stuck in motherfucking symphonic band for another year, with the sour consolation prize of posisbly being one of the section leaders... which doesn't exactly qualify as a prize when all it amounts to is more work and responsibility within the crap band... Now instead of helping out the other people in the section to try to improve it, i'm Expected to help out the entire section, in all aspects. Hardly the tradeoff i would be looking for... Well there we go, thats my depressing bitchathon about how i hate myself for fucking up my school year by getting relegated to a band i can tell i'm going to hate. The band itself, and playing and all that isn't what i hate, but i hate myself for getting put into what i feel is a tier 2 band, with sub par conductors, at least most of the time. You can't fault Dr Brown, or Dr Price, i mean, they are world class conductors, and great people, but i can't stand Wendy, and i can already tell that Colleen is going to grate on me as well, "8 years of teaching experience and working on your doctorate" aside... le sigh.

Ok, now for two small but poignant pieces of good news. Well, maybe more than two, i have a few technically, theres a nice little handful of things which have been really cool over the last few days...

1) Pumpkin spice latte's at Starbucks. Picture this... mood lighting, rose petals on a satin covered bed, a little barry white in the background, a touch of incense in the air, and on the bed.... a cup of coffee.... fucking the hell out of a pumpkin pie...bits of pie and coffee flying around the room, splattering on the walls... Thats how good this latte is.

2) Getting a huge loan from the bank to pay for school and a sax and all that jazz. its nice to be given a giant pile of cash and know that i don't have to stress out further about cash for this year... i can wait until well after i graduate before money becomes a horrible issue hehehe.

3) WoW patch 1.7. Its a lot of fun, its getting me back in contact with my original guild a bit more to have a lot of fun, and some of the new stuff is pretty darn cool.

4) (very)Miniature transit romance. I get to the bus stop today and theres this cute blonde girl waiting for the bus, so i smile at her as i walk up to the bus stop, and smiles back and i settle into standing there sorta staring off into nowhere while i wait for the bus. A few moments later she glances over at me again and i notice she has really striking eyes. The bus takes its precious time actually showing up, so we end up glancing at one another a couple more times before we get on the bus and sort of go our separate ways, and we don't wind up in the same train car, but when i get off to go to work, as i'm walking, i glance back at the train window and see her, looking at me, and our gazes brush one another again... then she sped off on the train.

Hehe maybe i'm just lonely to read into that so much, but i thought it was a short beautiful moment. Maybe i'll see her again... and we can continue our game of eye-zies.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Holy Burnout by Xmas, Batman!!

So...

I'm gonna be having scant few hours free this upcoming year... looks like i'm gonna be working 20 hours a week at ADT, at least to start with, and then all the stuff with school...

I think it should take me a month or so to find out whether or not i'm going to run into that despairing feeling where i'm sort of being carried along by my life, with less control over it than i would be comfortable with... I think this happened at some point last year when i wasn't even working, and now i'm going to be adding 20 hours of not so free time so that i can keep going with ADT?

I dunno... it would be good for me, i think. It'll get me away from my computer and my virtual life a bit, but maybe it'll run me all the way into the ground by the time the semesters change... Either that, or i'll learn to be a little more efficient and productive heh.. that wouldn't be a bad thing by a long shot, but its still a lot of work, and a lot of long days... On the upside, i have much fewer students in okotoks, so thats not a night that i will be dreading, but i think thurs fri and sat at ADT might take over that role...

Well, whatever... /whine off... we'll find out what happens after a few weeks of this mad schedule.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

40 Year Old Virgin

Oh...

My...

God...

Funniest movie of the summer... and Steve Carell is such a good actor too. Switch that, funniest movie of the year. Seriously, so many laugh out loud parts, so many squirmy-wetting-yourself funny parts, and a genuine, albeit cliche, plotline. However, the originality of the premise and the creativeness of the humor more than makes up for the shitty remixing of the typical love troubles. Guy likes girl, something gets messed up, they have a misunderstanding/fight, they split, one does something stupid, the other finds out and now they're fighting about something else, and all of a sudden, someone does something to redeem both of them, they live happily ever after. Around that, please mix in some insanely funny gags, great writing and acting, and you have a superb movie. If any of the ... what like, 3 people who read this crap right here have not seen it yet, please throw your monitor out the window, and go do that.

See, if you're reading this, you haven't done it yet...

what the fuck is wrong with you? I just got finished telling you, its a fucking funny movie, and you're reading about me pretending to get angry over the internet about you not seeing the movie? God DAMN! Get the hell out, and see the movie.

Peace.

Monday, September 05, 2005

I soooooo....

... don't want to be at work right now... I just don't feel like talking to idiots about alarms today... i just don't feel like trying to come up with reasons for why these people have set off their motion detectors or whatever... Good gawd i hate this job some days... TGIF.

I don't have anything deep or personal or touching to blather about today... just so tired of the stupid... I want to go home and do laundry, or whatever, and start getting ready for school... i want to get my loan, and get my shit together, and get my heaps of books, and possibly a laptop, and get my sax fixed, buy Holly's sax, buy music for the year, start practicing again, get a part time schedule set up for work, but mostly right now i just want to go home.

Blah

hehe but look at the funny kitty pictures...

Double kitty pic post tonight

More inane psycho babble to follow from work tomorrow... same bat time, same bat channel.

stay on target.... Staaay on Tarrgett!!!! Posted by Picasa

needs no explanation Posted by Picasa

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Another day, another double-time-and-a-half dollar...

Well, here we are again... more stumbling over the scripted greeting, more disillusioning people who think that their alarm system will climb off the wall and go ninja style on criminals for them, as well as cooking, cleaning and sucking their cocks....maybe it said that in the brochure or something...

I feel all emo to actually have a blog like this...i just don't have enough angst... I really could just rant on and on about the state of calgary transit and how much i hate it... Hate it !! but whatever, that gets old in a hurry. It does suck... i don't like leaving the house 30 mins early just to try to get to work on time because i have to work weekends and get fucked in the ass by any transit construction that they do. There, I said it....

Apart from that, i don't have a lot to get angsty about...i don't like cookie cutter skater punks, or plasticized 14 yr old prostitots, but whatever... they'll grow out of it and turn into assholes...

I should be able to get some shit done tomorrow.. er maybe... damn stat holiday... ok maybe not. Whatever, tuesday at worst. Get this limbo about school and money out of the way and get my new work schedule set up. Blah blah blah, same old stuff.

Whats new in my life...? God hates demonstrably hates me.... he broke two bottles of my Rickards beer all over the kitchen floor... The whole time i was cleaning it up, i was trying to think of anything i had done lately to call down this terrible karma, but i know that i haven't killed those bus drivers who show up early and keep going yeeet.... I almost cried...bitter tears mixed with wasted beer..."Sober people in ireland!!" - hell, sober people in the house... I need a moment. . .

Female companionship is still a big ol' Nope, but i was thinking about it when i saw Janene and Conner hookin up again, and for the time being, and most of the time, really, i'm somewhat of a solitary person... i was talking about this with Cait as well, i just don't tend to feel the need to be with anyone... i have better relations with my iPod half of the time ...
The flip side of that is that i have Never actually felt like there was someone that i wanted to be with, rather than by myself. Maybe that sounds bad.. i just feel like i Want to want someone. I desire to meet someone who i really miss when i'm not with them, and i haven't as of yet...

Maybe i'm expecting too much out of a relationship, or maybe i have had that sort of thing, and i just don't really know how to deal with it, or whatever, i don't really know, just as far as i can tell, i haven't. And technically, thats all that matters, really... not that i haven't had good relationships in the past, i just don't seem to know how to make a relatinship casual... i expect it to be more serious anyway, and then wind up thinking that i'm not feeling what i should be or something... Then again, i do have some pretty horrible interpersonal skills sometimes, that can't help...

Well, whatever. I guess its about time to start thinking that it will be different when i get back to school.... That worked for me last year. I know it will change somewhat, but its hard to think that going back to the school routine, apart from the work routine will really have that big of an impact on my life. We shall see, young padawan... we shall see....

meet the new ADT operator slogan.... Posted by Picasa

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Welcome to the jungle....

... that is my mind... If you are reading this, it means that you found one of the golden tickets hidden in candy bars all around the globe, fought your way past the 6 demons of utter destruction, the legions of undead-googly eye skeletons and discovered the secret of the fabled "URL" of ultimate power.

Welcome. You're going to be sadly disappointed.

My life has tended over the last couple of months to be extraordinarily boring, repetetive and template. Started working at ADT a while ago, and its been a good job...doing new things like learning how to handle alarms and whatever was interesting and i was liking that, but alarms got really old after a while, once i kinda knew what i was doing. Then i started on calls, which is just as bad in different ways...

You sort of have some faith in people to be able to ask themselves a question and possibly try to use some reasoning to answer it, but after taking so many calls, you have to realize that so many people have no problem solving skills at all... they think that we are here to make all decisions for the about the system. And failing that, we are completely responsible for their safety, because they have an alarm system. If they have an alarm system, they should be completely safe, they are impervious, and any time that something changes in the way it works on the system, it has nothing to do with how they are screwing with the system, so we should come out tonight for free and fix whatever it was that we apparently did to the system to make it suddenly not work properly... "So, do you have any doors or windows open mr smith? Oh ok, just close that door... oh its working now? great thanks for calling....*click*... assmunch"

Ok theres a work rant... so thats what i do 8 hours a day for the last 3 months, and then i get home, have something to eat, and sit down in front of a computer again to continue my fantasy life... with fireballs and such. Now i've been playing since release... hell, since before release.. i was in the stress test and the open beta and then carried over into release, so i've been playing since before november of last year, and I've had a lot of fun, and met a lot of cool people, and done a lot of cool stuff, and bla bla bla, but recently, i've started to realize that its just a game that i've been pouring my time and life into... There are so many other things i could be doing, but i just don't...i can't pull myself away from it haha... i dunno, its not that big of a deal, maybe... its hard to know though, its been sorta defining my life since i moved into calgary, anyway. I had it since i started school and so on, so i didn't do a ton before that anyway... i guess i played other video games and watched movies and stuff, but i still do that stuff too... it could be partly affected by how far south i live, and the problems associated with going out to do things with people since so few people live that far south.

Whatever, i don't really need to justify the amount of time i waste doing whatever i fee like, but it is sort of bringing me down when i think about all the time that i spend doing it... I wish that i had been doing other things, perhaps, but at the same time, its a lot of fun, and its a social activity, its not like i'm sitting there playing mario by myself and drinking/crying myself to sleep.. :P

Hm.... is it a good idea for me to have an actually published outlet for me to rant into.... well sure on some levels its a better outlet than just writing for hours into notepad and then deleting it, but do i really want to keep my friends? In that case, don't give out the URL... lol but at the same time, there are people who might not mind reading paragraph after unrelenting paragraph of my instrospective self-absorbed drivel hehehe.

Well nothing about my failing love life for my inaugural post... gotta save that for when there are actually people reading who can laugh at me and make fun of my shortcomings.... err.. failings, rather. Heh, well, it would be nothing about my love life, if there was actually a love life to withhold information about... but ya know, details at 11...